hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
