weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
