mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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