im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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