Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
