Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to find a taint.

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  (724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between. (1-724): You need to find a taint. http://tfl.nu/752x
  Replies (24) Good night (2760) Bad night (808)
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  (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

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  (914): he puts the penis in happiness. http://tfl.nu/m0tk
  Replies (29) Good night (4900) Bad night (753)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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  (304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead http://tfl.nu/8a8b
  Replies (25) Good night (4724) Bad night (1737)
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  (+35): View more from

  Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?

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  (+35): Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/6cfp
  Replies (12) Good night (975) Bad night (4107)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

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  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (17) Good night (8077) Bad night (2253)
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  (415): View more from California

  You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...

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  (415): You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me... http://tfl.nu/rukw
  Replies (2) Good night (2177) Bad night (1113)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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  (647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx
  Replies (25) Good night (2279) Bad night (2266)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!

  (940): View more from Texas

  HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.

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  (940): My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!! (940): HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT. http://tfl.nu/347l
  Replies (8) Good night (2159) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.

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  (978): Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus. http://tfl.nu/c88k
  Replies (9) Good night (3171) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance

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  (207): when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance http://tfl.nu/dir9
  Replies (4) Good night (1605) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

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  (309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989
  Replies (5) Good night (969) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....

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  (989): I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants.... http://tfl.nu/17h8
  Replies (1) Good night (907) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches

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  (832): I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches http://tfl.nu/e6l8
  Replies (0) Good night (1196) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.

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  (702): Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors. http://tfl.nu/41jv
  Replies (3) Good night (762) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us

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  (763): No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested (612): Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us http://tfl.nu/ydpg
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (435)

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