Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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(719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej

Replies (13) Good night (2587) Bad night (592)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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(740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5

Replies (39) Good night (8201) Bad night (777)
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(408): View more from California

He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina

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(408): He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina http://tfl.nu/ro7i

Replies (27) Good night (997) Bad night (8768)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.

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(508): Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area. http://tfl.nu/biqi

Replies (4) Good night (2641) Bad night (984)
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(979): View more from Texas

We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.

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(979): We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing. http://tfl.nu/hvhg

Replies (9) Good night (2170) Bad night (757)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69

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(610): But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69 http://tfl.nu/zybq

Replies (11) Good night (1277) Bad night (609)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.

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(770): I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself. http://tfl.nu/dirk

Replies (1) Good night (1097) Bad night (464)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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(785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o

Replies (8) Good night (499) Bad night (1112)
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(512): View more from Texas

I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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(512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u

Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (430)
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(206): View more from Washington

The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...

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(206): The cab driver is now flexing at a red light... http://tfl.nu/j986

Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (516)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while

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(732): i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while http://tfl.nu/tvzl

Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (509)
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(219): View more from Indiana

My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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(219): My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle. http://tfl.nu/g4yj

Replies (11) Good night (1484) Bad night (508)
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(845): View more from New York

I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.

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(845): I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this. http://tfl.nu/z7id

Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (283)
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(323): View more from California

Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?

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(323): Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing? http://tfl.nu/7p41

Replies (6) Good night (491) Bad night (405)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...

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(612): We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game... http://tfl.nu/bxkh

Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (255)

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