tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.