Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
