i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
