Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
