I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
