He had one of those small greek statue penises
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
