One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
