I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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