You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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