happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
