I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
did you just send me my own nude
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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