Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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