It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
