you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
