We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my shit smells like andre
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
