is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
