your parents love me but you hate me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
