I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
