She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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