even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
