Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
