when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
