well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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