Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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