my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
