omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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