i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
