the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
