I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
