i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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