I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
