First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
