I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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