Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
