You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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