i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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