why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
