btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
