hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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