i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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