I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
