I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
