I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
