dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
