I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
