The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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