weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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