You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
