i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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