drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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