This is not my ceiling
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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