Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
