I just pynch a tree in the face
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
