can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
