Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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