why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
