Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
